I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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