He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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