My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
