bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
