Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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