that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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