my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
