While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
