dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
