You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
