i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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