I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
