No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
