This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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