so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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