It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
