he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The power of my boobs compel you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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