weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
