Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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