We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
