Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
