the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
