Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
In America we eat man semen.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
