Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
