I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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