I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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