When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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