at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
