I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
