I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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