Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
