And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
