while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
