I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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