she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
