one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
