dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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