i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
