Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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