Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
