We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
