it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
operation harelip BJ is a go
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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