Sry I called you an 8
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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