Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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