I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
