Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
