is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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