I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
as a side note pls kill me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
