I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Mom said you looked used
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
