OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
