Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
