pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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