I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
