Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
